I am learning the way the doctors label things, and they say that the day you receive chemo is Day 1, then Day 2, etc. until your next round and you start again with Day 1. I have a schedule of follow up drugs at home for certain post chemo days, which include more steroids to help the IV nausea meds last longer. I remember from the Shingles when I had to take so many steroids how they finally kept me up until all hours of the night, and I am praying that doesn't happen again. I also blame the bad dreams I was having back then on the steroids. Really don't want to deal with that again, either. We shall see.
So, on Day 2, yesterday, I went all by myself down to Piedmont and had vitals checked again and had my Neulasta shot (to pump up white blood cells). As soon as I dropped off the kiddos, the big storm hit Smyrna but I knew my babes were in good hands. I beat the storm to Piedmont, but then it hit hard while I was there. Everything looked good with me and my biggest issue was still the port. The shoulder pain (left side) made driving uncomfortable/painful depending on the move, but I know this will get better in a few days. On the way back home it was an ugly mess with tons of water on the road with heavy rain and lightening, but I drove out of it as I neared the perimeter.
By the time I reached my friend's house I was pooped, so she made some hot tea for me, I nibbled on crackers (which seems to help with the queasiness, just like morning sickness) and we just relaxed for a bit. I still have a mental struggle with accepting help from people. It is not comfortable. But, I am realizing why people advised it is best to accept help because I do not feel normal at all. It is kind of hard to describe, and I am only on Day 3. Mentally, I feel scattered. I have been shaking ever since the chemo. I would equate that to having way too much coffee, to the point that I can see my fingers trembling. Yesterday and today I felt ok in the morning, but by after lunch I was pooped. I actually took a nap today, and that never happens. I have been drinking lots of fluids, as advised, to try to circulate the med out of my body as quickly as I can. Thinking I will feel better before too long...
The queasiness comes and goes. I haven't had to use any of the breakthrough nausea med other than once. I count all of that as a win. We all went together this morning for Jonathan's first Academy Soccer Tournament, and that was fun. He scored a goal so I am happy I was there for that. The heat got a little intense, so Caroline and I opted out of the 3:00 game. I hated to miss it, because I so enjoy cheering and watching my boy play, but it was the right move.
I guess that's the update. I am keeping a separate prayer journal and also a journal with feedback for the doctors. They asked me to log how I feel, so I am keeping track of that. Last night I got a little nervous because my temp went up near 100, and I usually run colder than average, like 97.9-98.1, but it passed and was nothing. I am supposed to be watching for foods that don't settle, and anything out of the norm. Already one weird thing that also reminds me of pregnancy....I love non-boring crackers usually, with seeds, or black pepper, veg crackers, whatever. And so when I reached for a cracker to soothe some nausea, I turned to my favorites, and found they disgusted me. The good old saltine cracker is my new best friend. The only other thing that scared me was my scalp started itching a little. The wig lady shared with me that often patients can feel their hair follicles "release" the hair, but that is not supposed to happen until day 10-14. Maybe it's just that I didn't wash my hair today. I was told to skip days and to avoid the hair dryer, etc. That might prolong the hair loss. So if you see me with messy hair, then you know it is mine. If my hair looks perfectly coiffed, then you know I am already in my snazzy wig. Still haven't made the final decision on that, either.
Finally, I remain overwhelmed by old friends and new. I met a neighbor this afternoon, who is a friend of a friend, and a mom at our new school. She went out of her way to seek me out, introduce herself, offer all kinds of support, and it is so humbling. Another friend brought dinner tonight and when I went down to see what she had done, I couldn't believe it. Such thought and preparation had gone into her dinner, along with dessert and fancy breakfast for tomorrow! And last night my sweet friend prepared a delicious home cooked dinner, but then included individually frozen portions of another meal for later down the road. Somehow, I have managed to accumulate a group of amazing people in my life, who seem to rally whenever the need arises. How did I get so lucky? But really, I am not a big believer in luck. I think these people have been placed here very specifically, and that makes all of this even more overwhelming, for lack of a better word. I don't know how this will play out long term, and I don't like to dwell on that. I am dwelling on the present, and moving forward day by day. I really think God has put a protective barrier around my mind, because I am usually a forward thinker, pondering the what ifs and having a plan for each scenario. But over the last few weeks I haven't been plagued with those kinds of thoughts that often lead to stress. I have been able to focus on the next 24-48 hours, and that is good enough.
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