I Shaved!!!

I could have titled this post many different things.  "Long Time No Write"....."One More Week!"..."Two More To Go!"...."Almost There!"...."Finish Line In Sight!"....but I think the most exciting cancer-related thing for me that has already happened is that yesterday I shaved under my arms for the first time in months.  I know, that has never been a favorite...in fact, quite the opposite.  I'm the girl who really dislikes shaving and has tendencies to "push the envelope" in terms of skipping shaving days (I blame being half brought up in Europe).  BUT - it was pretty doggone exciting to realize that I had actual hairs growing under my arms again.  I debated keeping them just because I loved having them so much.  But, practicality (and old habits) (and just good American hygiene) prevailed.  The doctors have warned that when hair starts growing again there is a good chance that it will be different, maybe permanently, at least for the first year or so.  I don't care.  But in this case, they were right.  I didn't notice them for apparently several days to a week because they were so baby fine and light blond.  Again....don't care, just so happy to have them.

And perhaps even better news is that hair on my HEAD has started growing too!!!!!!  You might remember that I was told that with Taxol (the chemo I am taking now, aka Cocktail #2), usually one of two things happens.  Either your hair starts to grow back, or you lose what hair might have remained after Cocktail #1 (the harsher of the 2 in my opinion).  Well I have been waiting and nothing was happening then all of a sudden most of my eyebrows and many eyelashes came out, so I was scared that I was losing the rest.  (I only had a few stragglers left on my head...remember?....the Minion look?)  But then right before Thanksgiving I realized I have a bunch a new little eyebrows growing in, and some new eye lashes too.  It looks funny in profile to see stubby little lashes then full length lashes.  Not sure how to explain it medically, but either it was a delayed reaction to cocktail #1, or the "shock" of the new chemicals caused the final hair loss, but then my body adjusted and was able to overcome the toxicity and start a bit of normal function again.  The oncologist has talked about how the human body tries throughout chemo to "adjust" and get back to regular function while being hit with all the chemicals...sometimes succeeding, sometimes not.  I guess my "young" age has been a great help to me.  When I look around the Infusion Room and see all the grandparent types it is really hard.  I know many of them have so many other health issues they are dealing with, then to have to endure this on top of that seems almost impossible.  But I don't want to get into a deep emotional post.  I have had too much of that these last few weeks.

Sooooo, the new hair on my head appears to be dark in color, like my old color, so that seems good.  There is not really enough to assess texture or anything else, but let's just say that I am THRILLED to see a darkening of my scalp instead of a skin colored (aka scary, pasty white) bald head.  I was wondering whether it would all come back gray.  :)

Otherwise, we had family here for two weeks from Texas.  Well, my sis-in-law came in from NYC.  It was great to have family around, but I will admit I missed out on my usual afternoon naps and so ended up a bit more exhausted than usual.  But it was my fault.  I chose to push myself a bit and I was able to hang out with them most days, even if it was just lounging on the sofa while they put up a Christmas tree.  Now I am frantically trying to do my Christmas shopping online for the second year in a row.

As for how I am feeling.....no big changes.  White blood is up, red count is down.  Both small changes.  I am aching all over still, and the neuropathy is a little worse, but not a big deal (mainly numbness and I can't get my hands or feet to warm up).  The new drug for the hot flashes still works, but I wonder if it is the reason I had some rough days emotionally.  I think I might have adjusted to it since those feelings have subsided.  But I was feeling so "not normal" and was trying to think of what is different and all I could think was that new drug.  When you actually read the insert from the pharmacy with side effects, you see things like depression and suicidal thoughts (no, I was nowhere in those ballparks), but it reminds me that these are powerful drugs and they have the ability to "mess with you."  Good news....everything seems stable now.

Finally, tomorrow is the second to last treatment.  I am excited and yet a bit numb.  It feels like it just started, and yet like it has been going on so long.  Hard to reconcile.  I remember when I started this blog and added that ticker countdown, it had 130ish days on it.  Wow.  Thankful that time has passed, with the tremendous support of friends and family.  And some total strangers.  I have started planning a Thankful in Pink party for after I am recovered from the surgery.  Can't wait to have a house full of people who have driven, held my hand, cried with me, run errands, checked in, cooked for my family, prayed for us....all together.  I get weepy just thinking about it.  Hold onto your hats....we are moving on to the next phase together soon!