There remains a part of me that is in denial that this is actually happening to me. I can barely even say the "C" word, let alone comprehend that it applies to me. But, I am also a realist, so I just keep telling myself that this IS actually happening, and that I will get through it.
In case you don't know, I had my regular screening mammogram on the first Saturday of Summer Break, May 31st. Prior to that, my wonderful OB/GYN, Dr. Jacquie Fisch, thought she felt something in my right breast, and urged me to make sure I had the mammo. I am such a rule follower that I was planning to get the mammo regardless, but I appreciated her extra push.
The screening mammo showed a small irregularity, so I went for a diagnostic mammogram on June 9th, and after they called me back three times trying to get clear pictures, I knew they must have found something. Then, when I had to go speak with the Radiologist Doc in person, I thought....not good. This doc showed me the images and said it looked like a small calcification, but that I would need a biopsy to know for sure.
Unfortunately, when I tried to schedule the biopsy that same day, the first available appointment wasn't until June 26th. However, I wasn't really worried since 80% of the time these biopsies return benign, and my family has no history at all of breast cancer.
On the day of the biopsy I had my friend Kati with me, since I was still a little nervous, and she just went through all of this and more last Fall/Winter. My main fear, though, was just getting through the procedure. I wasn't really worried about the results. I'm not sure exactly what happened last Fall when I was hit with Shingles on my face, then Bell's Palsy, but through all of that I apparently developed an inability to "stay calm" so I end up fainting, or having an anxiety attack, when these needle procedures are happening. So embarrassing and ridiculous, but yet I don't seem able to prevent them.
Anyway, on that day I had to lay on my stomach on a metal table with a big hole in the middle. It was not easy to position myself where ONLY the right breast came through the hole, but the Piedmont staff were very helpful and provided warm, folded sheets to help me get situated. Then, the table was raised toward the ceiling, which was bazaar. In order to do the biopsy, I had to be tightly clamped into the mammogram machine (big ouch) that was under the table, which then projected its picture onto a screen to guide the doctor. I made it about 2/3 of the way through before what I now know as the beginning of a vasovagal response started. All of a sudden I was overcome with nausea, then a wave of heat, then all of my peripheral vision began to go dark grey and start closing in. At the same time i usually begin gasping for air because it really feels like I cannot breathe. Again, the nurses were fast and awesome. I had a cold cloth on my face, they were talking to me, and the doctor asked if he should remove the probe. I remember saying, "I have no idea about the probe but I can't breathe!" He then removed the probe. For the the first time, I/we was/were able to prevent going into a full faint, so that part was good. After my blood pressure came back up and there was color in my face again, the procedure finished quickly, thank goodness.
The biopsy was on a Thursday, and we were scheduled to go to the beach on Saturday, June 28th, my sweet boy's birthday! We were excited to try a new beach...Fripp Island, SC....right across from Hilton Head. I had a lot of bruising on my breast, and wasn't allowed to get my chest in the water until Wednesday, but that was okay. And my swimsuit covered up all the bruises, so I was glad about that, too. We went to the beach on Monday morning and enjoyed the awesome weather, lack of crowds and just soaked up the quietness of being away from home. We went back to the condo for lunch, then thought we would take a little break from the midday sun and hang around the back deck looking over the marsh. It's not like me to take a nap during the day, but I think being at the beach all morning, then having a full belly after lunch made me so tired, I went to our room to lay down for a bit.
Apparently I left my phone in the living room, because the next thing I know Chris is at the door saying that he has Dr. Fisch on the line. For a split second i wondered if she calls all her patients after a biopsy, then as quickly as that thought entered my mind, I knew the answer. No, I don't think she does. My bad feeling was confirmed as soon as I heard her voice. I love her accent, but it did not disguise her nervousness. It felt like a long time before, after three attempts, she was able to get out that my biopsy had turned up malignant. She didn't have too much information, since part of my pathology was still out, but she did know that there was some cancer found contained within the milk duct, and some had moved out of the milk duct. She had taken the liberty of making an appointment for me with a breast surgeon on Wednesday, July 2nd. My first thought was that we needed to push back that appointment, since we were at the beach. But my sweet husband, always the voice of reason, said to stop and think a minute. How could we put off that appointment?? Wouldn't we go crazy waiting for a full week to get details about what we were facing?
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