A Week Out

So.....I have lots to tell but will try to hit the high ( and low) points only for now.  This week has been really difficult.  There have been streaks of so much sleeping and grogginess that I really couldn't tell you anything about them.  I consider those the good parts.  I have continued to need the nausea medicine to fight the effects of the narcotics.  Ugh.  And, since I have tried to keep it pretty much real here....I don't even know where to start on the topic of toileting.....and I don't mean #1.  Let's just say my pre-emptive strike with the prune juice was a massive FAIL.  After several other FAILS in that very delicate department (which by the way is closely linked with your chest whether you have ever thought about it or not), we finally had some progress and life got a little better.

I hate the way the narcotics make me feel.  Really, really drugged.  Crazy dreams.  BUT...I think we made a critical error in trying to "wean" me off of them too soon.  Crazy or not, I need to have my pain under control.  Sometime around Monday we (Chris and my mom, with my blessing) began cutting the doses of narcotics and continuing the supplements of big doses of ibuprofen in between (So I was taking something every 3 hours).  That is when I got really grouchy (so I was told), really emotional (even more than I already was) and really agitated with the constant discomfort.  In case it wasn't clear from the last post, the drains run from the middle of my armpit (special little incision just for them) and hang outside my body for several feet and empty into the little drain pouch.  The drain goes at least 6 inches inside my body and is held in place with a stitch.  Did I mention how uncomfortable they are?  Chris dutifully "milks" these every 8 hours and writes down the amount in each drain. And the expanders in my chest made their presence known a lot more.  I didn't really notice them much for several days.  Now, I am constantly aware of them and I do not like the way they feel.  Remember during the surgery, they separated my chest muscle from the chest wall, laid the expander directly on the chest wall then covered it back with my chest muscle.  Ouch.  There is a little saline in the expander and after I have done a lot more healing then they will add a little more saline to the expander until I get to the size that I want to be.  Then, there will be a final surgery to take out the expander and put in the real implant (that will feel less rough and more "natural" than the expander.)

Anyway - it has been rough going, and I so appreciate my mom picking up kids from school, my friend and neighbor Susan for taking them to school, my mom for dealing with homework and dinner on nights when friends haven't provided dinner.  I somehow underestimated this surgery, and I so wish I hadn't done that.  Everything else about this cancer, I thought would be worse than it really was.  In this case, I have a friend who had this last year and she seemed to breeze through it (though i know she didn't actually breeze, I somehow didn't think logically about it all, and how different our circumstances were, etc.)  and for several reasons I underestimated this surgery.  My bad, for sure.

So yesterday we saw the plastic surgeon again and he removed 2 drains.  Prior to that we spent time at the Cancer Center for another Herceptin infusion.  Back to the plastic surgeon....Oh my goodness it hurt.  Hurt a lot, but it was over with quickly.  We left on speaking terms, so that was good.  :)  He saw the one on each side that was secreting the smallest amount of fluid, and cut the stitch right there (ouch!) and then told me to count to 3 and on 3 to blow out really hard.  I did it and on 3 he yanked hard and the 6-7 inches of the tube that were inside my chest came out.  My mother reported all of this because I was laying flat on my back trying to breathe and seeing stars.  It took me a few minutes to come to my senses after that.  Really big ouch.  It hurt enough for him to remove all of the dressings.  Now I have a much smaller dressing over the incision in the side of my breast and over where my nipple used to be, as well as a smaller dressing under each arm.  I have an appt for next Thursday to hopefully get the rest of the drains out.  Dr. Woods heard my issues with the narcotic and switched me back to something they had me on in the hospital....Toradol.  You cannot be on it for long, but it takes away the crazy and it helps with the pain, so I am feeling a little better today.  I am taking it every six hours with ibuprofen also every six hours but at the halfway mark of the Toradol.  The pain has now become more of a pressure that I feel on my chest.  A constant pressure and discomfort.  I still don't like it, but I can live with it.

My dad wasn't feeling well and so he had to go home yesterday and now today my mom left.  When faced with the fact of about 2 more weeks of needing real household help, we decided to take my wonderful mother-in-law up on her offer, and so she and Chris' dad are flying out on Sunday to help next week.  The doctor said I should "make the turn" next week so I am counting on that.  Sorry I haven't been social, or even really returned calls and emails.  I am doing my best to get through the day, and that has been involving sleeping, taking med or talking with my mom, or distracting my mind with TV.  I know I could have used this time to enlighten my brain with something intelligent or to do a good Bible study (my original plan), but honestly my eyes have been so bad through the chemo that I can't see very well up close, even with my glasses, and I really was looking for more of a quick and easy escape that TV offers.  Plus, TV puts me to sleep...all the better.

That's all I have for now.  I am trying to keep my chin up.  Yes, it's the home stretch.  I haven't even really mourned the loss of my breasts the way I thought I would because of all of this pain, so maybe that is a blessing in disguise?!?  Sigh....I have no idea.  The good news is I can type a little more.  I will try to update again before too long.  Thanks as always for the well wishes, prayers and happy thoughts.  Keep them coming!!